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I am a pastor and a clinical psychotherapist. My life's passion is defining healthiness from a human perspective and paralleling it to the holiness of God, divine perspective. Shifting perspectives creates a paradigm that is alongside of rather than over and against. The parakalein of God and the paradoxes of humanity are redefined. Humanity is all about winning and yet we are losing ground everywhere. Divinity is all about letting go of the desire to win and the fear of loss. The Divine embraces the world with loving care regardless of anything.

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Divorce and the story of cats

Posted by Don Paine

The other day I was with a 6 year old who was trying to max sense of his divided life.  A part of him loved his mother. Another part loved his dad.  A part of him could not figure out how his parents who once loved each other were now hating each other.  He had written a short story about cats so I made up a story that after it came out of me (the foundation story was in me but I had never used it in this way) and I saw that it was helpful to home I decided it might be helpful for others.  Here is the story changed a little for this setting and for context:

When people get married they snuggle up together like two cats that lay together really tucked into each other.  Someplace along the way something triggers a part of them that changes how they see each other.  It is as if someone tied their tails together while they were sleeping and threw them over a clothes line. What do you think would happen.  The little boy looked up at me and said, they would start fighting".  Exactly!
That is what happens when something goes wrong in a marriage.  The boy looked up at me and said, "How do they stop?"  Interesting? Somebody has to untie their tails. When people get married they love each other.  Over time something triggers their hurt and angry parts.  It sometimes gets to feel like two cats fighting and you can feel in between.  Even when someone unites the knot in their tails that had replaced the weaving of their hearts, they keep fighting becasue they think they have to.  They try to draw you into it.  When your dad says he hates your Mom it is the part of him that can't stop fighting.  It has nothing to do with you so just ignore their fighting and see that it triggers a part of you that might feel bad, sad, and confused.  He asked "will they ever stop fighting?"  I said, I am not sure.  You can stop letting them pull you into the fight.  Just think of the cat story you wrote whenever your dad tells you how much he hates your mother and how bad your mother is.  See it as his fighting cat part and don't take it in or try to fix it cause it is not about you it is about him and your mom.  Do the same when you are with your mom. It is not even about them but about their parts that once loved, you are a product of that love.  Now they only know to fighting.  Just know that inside of them they love you but their outside parts fight over you and through you or try.  Just know you are loved and let love set you free of any fighting inside.

It is not about fighting it is about loving.  Compassion replaces confusion when you step out of the fighting.

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