Parakalein

I ate at Panera's with a friend today.  My pick 2 included and Tomato Mozzarella Panini Sandwich.  It had a three inch corner burnt black hard and bad.  I never like complaining much and just go along with whatever so ate and talked telling my annoyed part it is not so important.

The waitress came over to take our dishes away and she asked if everything was okay.  My friend and I had been talking about speaking in truth and grace with people.  I seized the moment as if out of control.

"Well while apart of me really enjoyed my lunch, another part of me said this is unacceptable. ( I turned over the three inch corner of the panini with its hard blackened crust....)  I can burn my bread this well on my own I do not need to have them do it for me."  The pleasant waitress said that I should have asked for another and they would have given me one.  "So, I have to be the complainer to get a well un-burnt panini.  I get that is a legitimate response but it puts the responsibility on me.  When it is the chefs responsibility to cook the sandwich and check it before he or she serves it to a customer.  For my part it is on them to do there job not on me to complain.  I obviously am not wanting a new sandwich, it is also obvious that I enjoyed most of the sandwich.  It is obvious also that I am not angry or demanding just calmly and clearly speaking for a part that felt unattended to.  I just want the kitchen to know to check and not serve a burnt sandwich hoping that the recipient would not notice or complain."   She said I will let them know. " I wished her a good day and smiled as she turned and walked away.

I wonder, what was that young lady thinking as she walked away.  Was I a grouchy old man to her.  Did she experience me as speaking calmly and clearly without anger or judgment but with compassion and courage.  Does our culture place the burden of complaining on us then we complain that people are complaining?  Doe we just shut up about it because it is not all that important or should we model speaking in a compassionate way.

Speaking truth in a compassionate, clear and calm way is elusive yet it is the direction to the church (Eph 4).

If you cannot say it in a nice way then do not speak might be a good rule to follow. My grandmother's wisdom:  If you do not have something good to say say nothing at all is replaced by:  "When saying anything to anyone about anything say it in an affirming and challenging way. Positively speaking the truth about yourself and how you are feeling in a nice and compassionate way is the mandate for the conversations at the church coffee table, social, work day, anywhere, anytime to anyone.

Grace in truth.  Truth in grace.  It is the Christian wrap.