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I am a pastor and a clinical psychotherapist. My life's passion is defining healthiness from a human perspective and paralleling it to the holiness of God, divine perspective. Shifting perspectives creates a paradigm that is alongside of rather than over and against. The parakalein of God and the paradoxes of humanity are redefined. Humanity is all about winning and yet we are losing ground everywhere. Divinity is all about letting go of the desire to win and the fear of loss. The Divine embraces the world with loving care regardless of anything.

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Pay attention, It is better than defending oneself with lack of Intention

Posted by Don Paine

I was walking and thinking in the early morning hours when the air is fresh and so are thoughts.  I began to think about how I heard someone say a hurtful thing but knew they did not intend that hurt so mused as to why that would happen.  Why do we sometimes hurt the people we love.  It is not an intentional hurt but it hurts just the same, maybe deeper.

Context and  compassion must be interwoven.

During introductions at a training, I recalled that I would jokingly say, mostly out of nervousness, that I was schizophrenic as I lived and had an office in MA and NY.  Some laughed but I realized supposing someone in the room was struggling with a diagnosis of schizophrenia even a mild case they would not hear this as funny.  In fact it would be hurtful.

At the same time I recalled being in a relay race on Nantucket Island where each team had 5 members each doing 10-12 miles in the sand around the beautiful island that at times seemed like it would never end.  As I approached my relay member and passed off to him I saw a female runner throw up her hands in disgust that her relay partner was still not in sight and by the way you could see for two miles down the seacoast.  As I fell somewhat exhausted I said,  "You need to know men are just more responsible than women" every one laughed and she said, "You are absolutely right I am never being part of a woman's relay team again, ever!"

I do not think it is true and I do not think it would be funny in any other setting ing=fact it woudl probably be received with disdain.

You just have to know the context, your audience, and not be so self focused that you offend while attempting just to be funny.  It is not funny if it hurts anyone even if there is not intention to do so.

So I am learning to pay attention rather that fall back on lack of intention.


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