I woke up this morning as if from a dream and nightmare of the last few days. I was feeling a bit like the character Charles Dickens portrayed in A Christmas Carol (not the season for this in one sense but it is on target with my season of learning). Scrooge had a dream and when he had woken up because it had seemed so much, he was surprised to find it was Christmas morning. Smart as he was he did one thing that is pay for a Turkey to be sent to Tiny Tim's home coupled with a take the day off to dad.. He also greeted everyone with an "I am alive" enthusiasm and "acts of compassion" because previously he had none.
I have too much compassion or rather my compassion gets me into trouble. One illustration serves the purpose of telling you what I mean. Years ago my wise son said to me, Dad I do not know why you see so many clients, why you see people for basically nothing, and so you struggle financially? At the time I was seeing 40 clients over half of which were not paying me a full rate, insurance companies were refusing to cover an I continued to see them, and even wealthy clients were asking me for a discount and I was granting it. My son's idea was that if I saw 20 people and they paid me straight up then I would make double the money in half the time and be abel to relax. My prideful response was,
"I do not know what you would call that but you would not call that a ministry. Today I think I heard but did not listen to my son,
My self protective response was because I care about people. Because it is a ministry not just a business. Today I am in the position I am in financially and emotionally because I did not keep and monitor a balance between care of others and care for self.
It is time to learn and I am learning.
I feel like so much has come to me lately because I am forcing myself to take some time for myself so I can return to the practice of caring for people through counseling and also maintain good not selfish self-care.
Thank you son for your wisdom that I know will make you a good father one day.
About Me
- Don Paine
- I am a pastor and a clinical psychotherapist. My life's passion is defining healthiness from a human perspective and paralleling it to the holiness of God, divine perspective. Shifting perspectives creates a paradigm that is alongside of rather than over and against. The parakalein of God and the paradoxes of humanity are redefined. Humanity is all about winning and yet we are losing ground everywhere. Divinity is all about letting go of the desire to win and the fear of loss. The Divine embraces the world with loving care regardless of anything.
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