Parakalein

I was working with a client who has a firefighter part.  She was focused on the part as a "drinking part" which she liked and disliked at rhe same time.  As she was working inside with her husband at her side, I was inside as well.

My good friend, Karen, who was a co-therapist and co-presenter in IFS, and who died suddenly in a car accident more than 2 years ago seemed present in my internal space.  The woman I was working with had a loving husband who hated her drinking part because he feared for her.  He also loved her drinking part and sometimes would join her drinking part and drink as well.  He had a thinking part that wanted to control her and a non-thinking part that just joined her.  As they were doing their work, I was simultaneously with them as Self present while at the same time, I had a part in me and Karen who was there really wanted to speak.  As they were concluding their good work of being with each other in a new and different way.  Self energy was present in the room.  Some reading this will not know what that means so  I may blog about Self energy tomorrow but for here and now, let it be heard that self energy is the presence of calmness as when there are no agendas, and compassion as when there are no conditions. Perspective, perceptions, and prejudices shift into new insight and understanding that create sacred space for healing.  That was happening for their shared internal injuries.

At the same time something was happening for me.  I knew I had no appointment waiting just a lunch break so asked them if I could speak for a part within me.  They looked at me and said yes in a way that seemed to sense that there was something coming.  I did not know what was coming.  As  I spoke, I was honoring all parts.  I told them that a part in me had been triggered as years ago in an attempt to care and calm a part of a good friend, co-presenter, colleague,who had been drinking before joining me in a training session, in fact she had come late to the session due to drinking the night before.  No one else in the training knew of this part of her but she had shared it with me.  I spoke to her in an embrace in an attempt to offer her the sphere of God's love.  For me God was out of the box and I was out of the box so we were in the sphere of love.  I said to her, "The fruit of the vine is Jesus. He is the wine that satisfies."  My heart was wanting her to know that I had no agenda or judging parts that judge her for drinking.  I also wanted her to know that Jesus wanted to release her burdened parts that wanted to drink without thinking, and invite the non-thinking part that drinks to unburdened itself. A year later, she hit a tree and was killed instantly while driving home for a visit with her parents.  The drinking part that she shared with me had shredded me, with guilt that left no room for grace.  I entered into a deeply depressed space for a long time.  Grace invited me out of that space but i feel her presence and want to say this. I closed my eyes and spoke, "I get that your husband hates the drinking part because he fears as Karen's husband feared that one day you will run into a tree and die, it is all he can think about so he hates that you do not think about that. He loves you so he hates this part in you.  But he is getting, today that when he gets into the box with you or when he tries to box you into feeling guilty that neither helps you.  So he is willing to trust you "to think differently" in the sphere of loving not the box of hating. I also get that your wife hates the "box" so when she drinks she is out of the box.  I also get that when she is out of the box drinking, her firefighter part is trying to put the fire out the alcohol that ignites the box and everything might go up in flames.  I hear my friend telling me she is out of the box as death released her from the box into the sphere of love.  She wants me to tell you to enter the sphere of love, don't play with the box of matches as all will happen is you will be burned."  As I was saying this the guilt that burned in me was released, as a burden that was on me.  I felt unburdened.  As I opened my eyes the wife was looking at me with a huge smile, that at first I thought was Karen smiling and indeed I think it was.  A smile of love (from Karen for me and for her (Karen's) husband even as it was in reality a smile for herself and for her husband.  The husband was overcome with tears of understanding as her smile was an appreciation for being understood.  They both thanked me for speaking for my part and I thanked them for their courage.  She had said earlier in the session that she had no part that thought or felt anything except, I like that drinking part.  She found more. He had said all he knew is he did no want to make her feel guilty for her drinking part. He found more.

I learned that in the sphere of love the boxes of guilt, grief, fear, excuses, and denial are opened and all parts welcomed are freed to feel the rolling love.  Love never steam rolls its way, love is the steam that is always present as energy for change, choice and healing of all burdens.  It is always about the blessing of love rolls when the boxes of burdens, bruises, and betrayals are opened.

Maybe that is why the "stone was rolled away" when the box of the tomb could not stay closed.
(Obviously my thinking, of spiritual parallels, part).

For more info re: IFS, parts, firefighters, managers see www.selfleadership.org