Parakalein

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?

This is a troubling part of the Lord’s Prayer that I have prayed often without really thinking about it.

So if we do not forgive other’s, God does not forgive us?  Many of us do not really forgive other’s.  We say things, like I forgive you then we proceed to isolate, undermine, passively or aggressively attack. 

In my work with couple’s whose marriage’s end, the person who says they are forgiving is not really forgiving and the person who is pursing the end of the marriage is cast into the role of intentionally hurting the other person.  Often that is the person who has forgiven and is attempting to move on gracefully while the other person infers in an infuriating way that they have forgiven.

So what is this about anyway?  What is true forgiveness?

Paul tells us that Godly sorrow leads to change and leaves no regrets.  Is there a hint here about forgiveness.  I think so.

As the Japanese proverb says, forgiveness without repentance is like writing on water.  True forgiveness is the prompter and promoter of change of heart.  Forgiveness is about open heartedness.  It is letting go of the hurt not to be hurt again but to free oneself up from perpetuating the hurt.  The sign of true forgiveness is that my heart is loving and caring toward the one who has hurt me.  Anything that allows me to stay in an unforgiving state contributes to non-forgiveness even if it is my saying “I forgive you”.

So if we forgive people who have hurt us by having an open heart of love and car e toward them.  We are free of our “non-forgiveness” of the one who hurt so our hearts reflect the very heart of God.  This is true forgiveness which is what we get onlywhen we give it.  Otherwise what we call forgiveness is convincing ourselves that we are right and the offender is wrong but we will do our duty to forgive.  Only to do so in words rather than in heart.

Thankfully God forgives us in heart and words.  Indeed we need to do the same.